Questionable Lyrics #5: Shaq and the Kid From Quo Are Genie!

So, I just watched Kazaam, the 1996 Shaquille O'Neal vehicle where he plays a wish grantin' genie who decides he wants to become a rapper. That movie raises a lot of questions, but what struck me most was the song he performs in the film, "We Genie," where he explains his character's origins. Lyrically, it's a fascinating series of choices. You're constantly going, "wait, what was that? What does that even mean? Why did he way that?" And since I also just happen to have the soundtrack album, which does include that song, I decided I just had to analyze these crazy lyrics.

Update! 6/2/16: Somebody had the great idea (see the comments) to check out the subtitles/ closed captioning for the film. And that shed a little extra light on the mystery of the still puzzling lyrics, as well as pointed out a big error I made. So now, enjoy the corrected version of this still lyrical analysis. 8)

Before we start, though, I thought I'd point out a few interesting things. First of all, Da Brat has a sizable role in this film, as herself. She even performs a duet with Shaq. But she's not on the soundtrack album, and neither is that song. Curious. The only other rapper to appear as herself is Spinderella, who has a teeny tiny cameo, and she does have a song on here. This soundtrack also features the only commercially released song by The Almighty Arrogant, although I didn't hear it play anywhere in the film itself. Shaq has four songs in this flick, and all but the one with Da Brat are on the soundtrack. Two are solo, and the one I'm interested in today features Wade Robson.

Now, in the film, a 12 year-old kid finds Shaq's boombox (that's right, he's not in a lamp, he's in a boombox, because he's so hip-hop) and the whole film is a kiddie buddy picture about this boy and his genie. And when he asks Shaq about how he became a genie, the two of them perform "We Genie." But the kid actor is named Francis Capra; so he must've just been lip-syncing to a song recorded by somebody else in this movie. Specifically somebody named Wade Robson.

Now, when I first watched this film, there's this pack of bullies that pick on our protagonist, and I immediately looked at the one with the super short blonde hair and thought, he looks like that kid from Quo. Remember that ridiculous kiddie rap group from the early 90s, where it's one white kid and one black one and they both have shaved heads, earrings and are supposed to be the most hardcore rappers possible? Well, I didn't actually believe it was that kid, he just reminded me of them. But afterwards, when I decided to search online for the name "Wade Robson," he's that kid from Quo! You guys may know him better nowadays, though, from having that famous case against Michael Jackson for you-know-what; and he's been working primarily as a dancer for groups like N'Sync, Britney Spears and even hosting his own show on MTV. Meanwhile, I have no idea what become of the other kid from Quo.

Anyway, getting back on track, "We Genie" is the only point in the film where we learn Shaq's story. It's not like "Spirit," where Doug Fresh raps about the plot of Ghostbusters II, but we also have it all explained throughout the film, so we get the references to Vigo and the pink slime. Here, we only have the song lyrics to go on. Oh, and I poked around and the lyrics to this song aren't printed anywhere online, so I'm transcribing them myself. Future generations, you're welcome.

"My name is Kazaam,
I got the whole plan.
So listen to the man,
'Cause I'M the son of Sam sultan of sand."

Thanks to the subtitles, I now realize he said "sultan of sand," which is an admittedly much better line than what I'd understood as "son of Sam." The son of Sam, of course, was the serial killer David Berkowitz, who has admittedly been name-dropped in a whole ton of rap songs, and you've hard plenty of other MCs say they're the lyrical son of Sam, but it would still have been wildly inappropriate to drop in a kids movie like this. "Sultan of sand," on the other hand... I have to give it up, that's a good phrase.

Now the kid raps:

"Is that it?
Is that the whole deal?
You wanna be a hit,
You better get real."

Shaq fires back:

"I did have this friend in a thousand BC,
We discover a bevy of bathing beauties.
Habert[?] looks to me and I says to he,
Why don't we jump in that ol' Euphrates?"

I'm actually impressed that he keeps saying he's 3000 years old in the film, and they picked a date here that more or less syncs up. But being impressed goes right out the window for the next line, "I says to he." I understand he's forcing a rhyme by saying "he" instead of "him," which is already wack, but there's no reason to use "says" instead of "say."

Anyway, this song's already beginning to get confusing. I'm guessing on the spelling of Habert, which seems to be the name of his friend. The movie subtitles say "Hbur," which just tells me they can't figure it out either. It actually kinda sounds like he's saying "a bird" here, maybe like dame, broad, or chick. But it comes up again and seems to be a proper name. So the idea is these girls are bathing in the Euphraties river and Kazaam and his buddy decide to jump in and join them.

The kid responds:

"So that's the whole story?
That's all you gotta tell?"

And Shaq answers:

"You got to listen to my rap,
From bell to bell."

Minor nitpicks. Why would the kid think that's the end of a story, and there are no bells in this instrumental so what is Shaq even talking about?

"Those babies had rabies,
And we was in Hades,
'Cause we moved with the harem
Of the prince of Akbacarem[?]."

I'm also guessing on the spelling of Akbacarem. I feel like he's trying to make Akhetaten rhyme with harem, but I don't know; maybe there's a real city with a name pronounced that way. The subtitles say "Akba d'Karem," which seems to be another phonetic guess, because that's not a thing. There was a famous harem keeping emperor named Akbar, though, known for being huge, so that would make sense. But what's the part he's rhyming with "harem?" It's still confounding.

But anyway, what the heck else is going on in this song? Babies with rabies? Maybe he's calling the bathing beauties babies, like babes. And them having rabies is just the first half of a metaphor - the second half being that they were in Hades - just meant to say "these chicks turned out to be bad news." I feel like I'm doing a lot of twisting to get this to make sense, but that's my theory. The girls Shaq and his friend went swimming with were bad news because they were the prince's harem.

So the kid asks:

"So, it's you and Habert,
In a thousand BC?"

And Shaq adds:

"Buried to our necks in sand
Like the sea!"

Alright, this is the first time the kid's part isn't entirely pointless in this song. He's reiterating details, which if we weren't writing the lyrics down, listeners would be sure to miss. So I appreciate that. And again, I don't think a literal bird is actually Shaq's friend. I could see that in a way... why wouldn't a genie's best friend be a bird? But then we'd be expected to believe that someone, presumably the prince, buried a bird in the sand up to its neck? It's gotta be a dude.

Well, Shaq continues:

"By a sultan with a sword,
And a lock and a key."

The kid remarks:

"Woo, they're in deep!
Will they ever get free?"

Hold up. What the deal is with the sword, lock and key? Is this a reference we're just supposed to get? Like, it's so obvious, he doesn't even see a point in spelling it out? Is this a famous genie story he's telling? This is when I started googling the stories of the Arabian Nights with genies and stuff, but none of them seem to have a story anything like this. The only useful bit I found was this line from the Qur'an: "And before Solomon were marshalled his hosts, of jinn and men and birds, and they were all kept in order and ranks." So, hey, maybe his friend really is a bird after all. Heck, maybe both guesses are right, and it's a bird named Habert! Or, y'know, "Hbur."

Also, the kid is an idiot for asking if they would ever get free, when he's talking to the person it supposedly happened to. Anyway, Shaq answers:

"And I looks to Habert,"

"And he says to thee?"

"At the end of this day,
We ain't gonna be!"

Now why is this New York kid suddenly speaking Shakespearian? Oh right, Shaq loves awkward, forced rhymes.

"So it's me and Habert
In a thousand BC,
Praying to the Gods,"

"And what do you see?"

"A man with a halo
And a nasty decree:
'I'll save your butt,
But you're gonna serve me'."

So now Shaq's reiterating, which is good, but I think we got the 1,000 BC part already. So I guess at this point, the prince and his harem fucked off, having left Kazaam and his friend - who's either named Habert or is a bird - buried in the sand, like the sea. Even though I don't think you can get buried in a sea. Anyway, now an angel(!) has come, looking for some free slaves. I was actually expecting to see in the subtitles that I'd gotten this part slightly wrong, but no; this is 100% correct. "A man with a halo and a nasty decree." Alright. That doesn't seem to characteristic of an angel, does it? Maybe the fallen angel... Is Shaq saying he's a servant of Satan in this movie? Because that definitely doesn't come across anywhere else in this film!

"So I nod to Habert,
He nods to me.
And when the magic is over,
We ain't men..."

Now the rest of this song is performed with Wade and Shaq saying every word in unison:

"We genie!
We were buried to our necks
In sand like the sea,
By the sultan with the sword
And a lock and a key.
I looks to Habert
And he says to me,
'When the magic is over,
We ain't men...
We genie!"

And that's basically it. Shaq adlibs some lines like, "bob ya head, Max," and they repeat the "we genie" refrain a couple of times. It's a short song, because I guess nobody's going to sit through three full verses and a bridge worth of exposition mid-movie. Also, are they using "genie" as an adjective, meaning "being a genie," or is the plural of genie not genies?And why isn't it we are. "We're genies," wouldn't adversely affect the meter of the song or anything.

One thing about this last bit: there's a lot of interchangeability. Who's this sultan they suddenly bring up? That must be the prince, with his sword, lock, key and harem. "Sultan" and "prince" are just being used synonymously here, even though I thought a sultan was more of a king than a junior. And Max singing "we genie" is just him getting caught up in the energy of the song, right?  Because I've seen the whole movie, and it never turns out that he was a genie all along or anything. Also Shaq isn't shown to have any friends from 1,000 BC, human or feathered. The song is all about two people becoming genies, but the movie is just about one. So why write the other one into the song at all? There's also no sword, lock or key in the film, so none of that pays off. Maybe this song syncs up better to an earlier draft of the screenplay we never saw?

The lyrics were definitely by the screenwriters, they have writing credit in the soundtrack notes. So this should add up more than it does. The producers, Chad Elliot and James "Big Jim" Wright also have co-writing credits, but I'm sure that's strictly instrumental. By the way, Shaq's other two songs on here were produced and co-written by dancehall greats Sly and Robbie, if you can believe it.

So okay. I think I've come away from this project with a better understanding of the song. I can track the narrative as far as it makes sense, though I can't help feeling that there's a genie legend I should be familiar with that he's paraphrasing, which would make things a lot clearer. I know Solomon supposedly trapped a genie in a bottle, but this ain't that story. But there's either some legend or a whole second act twist on the cutting room floor where the leader of the music pirates is Shaq's ancient friend gone bad. Please, though, nobody release a director's cut.

Shaq Chino and Pun

So Chino XL's new album just came out. It's actually a double CD (no vinyl, naturally), called RICANstruction: The Black Rosary. The caps are there because otherwise you'd never get the pun. I'm me, though, so I had to check it out immediately. There I was, listening to the sound clips on ughh, and I see that one of the songs features Big Pun. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you reading this that Pun died twelve years ago. I got to interview him right before he left us; he really was a Hell of an MC. So immediately, the instant I see that, my heart jumps a little and I'm wondering: wow, has Chino sat on an unreleased Big Pun collabo all these years? After all, he said exactly that when he was promoting this album back in 2009 ("I do have a project that everybody is about to hear with him. ...it is vocals [from Big Pun] that no one has ever heard."). This could be some crazy, ill... But my brain doesn't even let my heart finish that notion. Don't set yourself up for the world's most predictable, crushing disappointment, dummy. Give it a listen, and it's gonna be some old Wake Up Show freestyle or something that you already have.

So I play it and it's a new song, called "Kings," produced by a guy named Focus, who I think was one of the many younger producers on that DoItAll album. Anyway, it's a duet. Chino brags about it on the hook: "this collaboration is biblical, mythical, insane... Chino and Big Pun, a true lyricist dream." And for some reason, the DJ feels compelled to make a thing about the fact that both Chino and Pun have referenced Nat King Cole at some point in their careers[oh, and that's why this song is called "Kings." I honestly just got that this second. Oy vey], by cutting up both of their old lines in the hook. Well, regardless, Chino makes no bones about the fact that he wrote his part long after Pun had passed on, saying, "Big Pun's in Heaven making angels sing; Chino is still in the physical, making your name ring." Predictably, though, Pun's verse is hauntingly familiar.

I just couldn't quite place it. We're now past the point where any teeny, tiny piece of me might still be holding onto the hope that we've been given a killer, unreleased Pun verse. Now my brain just wants to label it as a part of whatever song it's from and file it away forever. Fortunately, this is the internet age, so instead of spending all night dwelling on it, I just google a couple of Pun's lines and see that they originate from a song called "BX Niggas," which debuted in 2008. Apparently it's an epic, unreleased track discovered by the filmmakers of a retrospective Pun documentary called Big Pun: The Legacy; and to hear it all, you've gotta buy the DVD.

Bull shit on that. I recognize this Pun verse, and I've never heard of this screwy doc before. I reviewed another, quite good documentary on Big Pun; but this ain't that. This is something I feel confident calling screwy even though I've never seen it because they're advertising some tired, old Pun material as a special unreleased exclusive for their movie.

So back to Google. Now I'm getting results that say it's a part of some song "The Bigger They R."  Apparently it's an unreleased song from the 90's that we're only getting to hear these days because it's been leaked onto the internet by producer Domingo. But, no, damn it! Whatever song this verse is from, it's something I own and have had in my collection for years. Long enough, at least, for me to have completely forgotten what the heck it is. Get out of here with your phony Youtubian "internet leak" mythos. Whatever I've got, I know it's not called "The Bigger They R." But, looking at these later listings, I come upon the piece of the puzzle I needed to put it all together.

This song features Shaq. Yes, that Shaq, the only Shaq. It also features Fat Joe, but that doesn't narrow anything down when it comes to Pun. Shaq, however? I have every single record by Shaq ever released. I don't just mean the full-length albums; I have all the 12" singles, guest appearances, the soundtracks, the multiple promo EPs of his unreleased Superfriends album, the picture disc that looks like a basketball, the greatest hits, the German 12", Kazaam. And in return for me sharing that last little piece of information with you, all I ask is that you never ask me why. I just have it.

And now I can picture the record sitting right there on my shelves, with a bright, blue label and their names running along the top. Pun has only appeared once on any of Shaq's projects, and it's this 12"! It's called "Shaq Crack and Pun," and it's a dodgy white label (well, it has blue labels, but you know what I mean) release claiming to be from "Avalanche Recordings," and the track-listing is all screwed up. It lists a Dirty Version on one side and a Radio Version on the other; but just looking at the wax, you can plainly see there's four versions on here. One's an instrumental and one's a TV Track or something. But hey, it's "Shaq Crack and Pun!"

The track's nice and hard... I'm assuming the internet's right about Domingo having created it, because it sounds like his work, and an excellent example of it at that. Of course Pun steals the whole show and there's really no reason for anybody else to touch the microphone after him; but Fat Joe manages to come with some slick rhymes too. And Shaq? Well, he just kinda bounces around from one silly reference to another (he is, after all, the world's only graduate from The Fu-Shnickens' school of MCing), mashing up the English language to force multi-syllable rhymes and concepts that don't really exist: "movin' like the predator, camouflage injectorer, rhyme wreckerer." You can tell exactly the kind of fast-paced, rugged, mind blowing bars he wanted to deliver here. But hey, I bet Joe and Pun wouldn't've looked too impressive on the basketball courts either. Life has a nice way of balancing everything out.

As for "Kings?" It's got an all new beat (for that matter, "BX Niggas" seemed to have an original instrumental, too) which is pretty bombastic and pulls you along with it. And this is hardly the first time a deceased rapper's material has been recycled so a newer MC could make like they were collaborating with one of the greats. It's not even the first time it's been done to Big Punisher. The practice has become so common, it doesn't seem to even trip radars anymore. Notice how I'm the only blogger talking about this. But - and I'm not being entirely facetious when I say this - I think I would've enjoyed this even more if Chino had left Shaq on there.

Micheal Jackson's Rappers

I was going to stay out of the whole MJ thing, just because I figured you were all already suffering from media overload. And also, I was assuming another rap blog would field this topic, but it seems nobody has. Heck, I don't think anyone's even thrown up a zshare of T-Ski Valley's "Billie Jean" yet. And so it falls to me. 8-)

You couldn't call yourself the king of pop during the 80's and 90's without at least briefly crossing path with hip-hop. Michael Jackson did so, though less often than you might've expected. Here's a look at each of them.

Vincent Price: This one might feel like a bit of a stretch, but Vincent Price's contribution to "Thriller" are labeled as a rap in the album's liner notes, and I guess technically they are. And, considering "Thriller" predates "Haunted House of Rock" by a good year, you could make a pretty solid case that Vincent Price started horrorcore (lol)! Every DJ in the land also owes a debt of gratitude for that maniacal laugh, which has possibly appeared on more records than Jackson himself.

Heavy D: Janet Jackson and Heavy D already scored a hit with their collaboration "Alright" in 1989. And just in case you'd forgot, he brags about it in his verse for "Jam," his first collaboration with Michael, in 1991. He worked with Michael again in 1995, appearing on the Masters At Work remix of "Rock With You."

Nancy Cartwright: Also in 1991, Michael wrote and produced (uncredited) the Bart Simpson (voiced as always by Nancy Cartwright) rap single, "Do the Bartman," which became a huge hit. It spawned the sequel, "Deep, Deep Trouble," which didn't have Micheal's involvement, but was produced by DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Aqil Davidson: Still in 1991, Teddy Riley produced the Dangerous album track "She Drives Me Wild." So unsurprisingly, he put his Wrecks-N-Effect boy Aqil on for a quick verse in the middle of the song. He raps to the girl whose look is driving Michael wild ("far from Medusa"), and says, "you've got me lookin' like Buckwheat." Whatever that means.

L.T.B.: Most people remember the rap verse from "Black Or White" as it was lip-synced by Macaulay Culkin in the video. But anyone with ears could tell it was a grown man doing the actual rapping. That man is credited as L.T.B. in the album's liner notes. I don't know anything else about him; that name may well be an alias.

Naughty By Nature: In 1995, the second version of the "Scream" single dropped, featuring two remixes, including one by Naughty By Nature on the "Street" side, with raps by Treach, and a couple vocal drops by Vinnie. The bulk of the remix sounds like a clumsy, half-assed mess; but the part where Treach drops his verse sounds alright.

Notorious B.I.G.: On the HIStory compilation album, The Notorious B.I.G. is featured on "This Time Around," one of the new songs recorded for this largely "greatest hits" release. Oddly, his verse is about his friend who he thinks is stealing from him... I wonder if Michael realized what Biggie was gonna rap about on his record: "I'ma kill a nigga; I ain't jokin'. Endo smoke got me chokin'; I'm hopin' the fool comes slippin' so I can blow him open." Still, the working relationship must've been good, because Biggie returned to drop a verse on "Unbreakable" off of his Invincible album in 2001. ...Despite dying in 1997. That's a little ghoulish of whoever decided to assemble that, isn't it?

Shaq: When you look at Mike's list of chosen hip-hop collaborators, I think one word will spring to mind before all others: "integrity." And when you're all about the art, putting aside the publicity and the image to only work with the most talented, best of the best, there's one man you go to before all others. If you're organizing a basketball game. But for some reason, Mike got confused and asked Shaquille O'Neal ("the man of steel organism") to rap for him instead. So he kicks a little verse at the end of "2 Bad" from HIStory, including his signature fake laugh.

Will.i.Am: Recently, on his 25th anniversary album (there was also a single), he remade "The Girl Is Mine" (off the Thriller album) with Will.i.Am in Paul McCartney's role. Or, more accurately, I think they just remixed Paul out, because Micheal's vocals sound the same as the original. In any case, they called it "The Girl Is Mine 2008," and it was a bad idea. He also did the same thing with "Pretty Young Thing," calling it "(P.Y.T.) Pretty Young Thing 2008."

Kanye West: Kanye West did the same as Will.I.Am, producing a remix, featuring a verse from himself, called "Billie Jean 2008 (Kanye West Mix)." I could be wrong, but I don't think Michael was involved in recording these cash-ins.

...And unless I missed someone (hit me up in the comments, but remember, unofficial mash-ups don't count), that's it. Of course, that's not to say that more producers won't take more old Jackson vocal tracks, and edit together more collaborations in the future. We'll just have to wait and see.

Update 7/1/09: I KNEW I'd forget a couple! Here are three more of MJ's rappers:

Eve: The Trackmasters remixed Jackson's 2001 single "Butterflies," featuring a some traditional old school samples, giving it laid-back, soulful feel. It also features two verses from Eve, who manages not to disrupt the mood.

Jay-Z: "You Rock My World" was the debut single off of Invincible. A separate single was later issued featuring the Trackmasters' remix containing a lot of Biz Markie vocal samples and two verses from Jay-Z.

John Forte: In 1997, Micheal's people put out a remix EP called Blood On The Dance Floor - HIStory In The Mix. One of the featured tracks was the Refugee Camp Remix of "2 Bad" (which was on the original version of HIStory), which now included vocals by John Forte.

Update 12/4/15: Hey, I noticed this post is riding up the "Most Popular Posts," column, and I thought I should update it with what came out since this was written back in 2009. They've put out more posthumous releases, with guest appearances by guys like Akon and Justin Beiber. But just one more with a rapper...

50 Cent: The album Michael, released in 2010, featured all unheard Jackson songs including one called "Monster," with raps by 50 Cent. It's clearly an unfinished song and filled with vocals from other Jackson songs to flesh it out, and there are rumors that other parts were sung by an impersonator. But nobody had to fake the verse from 50, who comes in with an odd mishmash of bragging about how hard he is, scary monster movie imagery to stay on theme, and just generally heralding the return of MJ. There was even a single for "Monster" in 2011 with a terrible house remix.