InstaRapFlix 5: Hip-Hop Laws of Success

Hip-Hop Laws of Success (Netflix rating: 2 stars) is the kind of unwanted birthday present kids get when their aunts and uncles find out they like rap music. It plays like an infomercial, with Russell Simmons (according to the opening credits, it's part of his "Higher Self Series") and a a generic hostess seated opposite him, asking him set-up softball questions. Every once in a while, they cut to a 20-something in the audience nodding along to the wisdom or smiling at the anecdote.

And that's the body of the film: this one short interview between the two of them. But they intersperse it with clips of Simmons' Rap Summit footage, which is where all those famous rappers whose names are on the box enter into it (I also suspect it means none of them had to be paid). And there's also interview clips with one or two industry types (Lyor Cohen, some people from Violator management, and somebody from Cash Money Records).

Now, from the title, you might expect this is the equivalent to those "how to make money at real estate" infomercials, with Simmons and the guys sharing their secrets of how they became successful in the hip-hop industry. But really this is the equivalent of those "power of positive thinking" infomercials, full of bland and clichéd inspirational messages that you could just as easily write yourself. "Believe in yourself," "have faith in God" (a lot of this is very religious, which will surely put some people off), "help others" and "work hard." That's everything; but they make that last for the length of the film by repeating the same notions over and over.

On the plus side, it's another short one (why are all these hip-hop films so short?) - well under an hour, including the credits. Also its heart is in the right place... meant to inspire kids to be self-empowered and go out and get rich (and spiritual). It's not that the message is bad; it's just so painfully trite.

Interestingly, the closing credits list an "estimated net worth" for each of the celebrities featured in the film, sometimes also naming their companies and endorsements. Example (actually, the only one that doesn't specify "estimated net worth"):

"Ice Cube
Director, actor, writer, producer and composer
Feature films: 'Boyz 'n The Hood', 'Friday' franchise, 'Barbershop' franchise and 'Are We There Yet?'
Estimated $170 million in gross film revenues
Estimated 30 million albums sold"

According to Netflix, this came out in 2006, but it must be older than that because Master P, Wyclef Jean and the Cash Money Millionaires are presented as being the pinnacles of the industry. I have a feeling this DVD is marketed more towards high schools to show to their students rather than private consumers, but it's available... even as a Netflix instant view.

Tags: Hip-Hop Laws of Success

Nice & Smooth Road Test part 4

...continued from part 3.

The exciting conclusion!


^Part A (of part 4)

^Part B (of part 4)

Tags: Nice 'N' Smooth

Nice & Smooth Road Test part 3

...continued from part 2.


^Part A (of part 3)

^Part B (of part 3)

Tags: Nice 'N' Smooth

Nice & Smooth Road Test part 2

In addition to this new post, I just added a pretty substantial update to my Mhisani/Goldy post from a few days ago, so be sure and check that out (new material's at the bottom).

...continued from part 1; Ain't a Damn Thing Changed (it didn't really occur to me that focus would shift as it got dark and I'd have to adjust, so part 2 gets a little blurry haha):

^Part A (of part 2)

^Part B (of part 2)

Tags: Nice 'N' Smooth

Nice & Smooth Road Test part 1

This is a maybe kinda long series of videos (4 parts split into 2 videos each)... Hopefully they're enjoyable, but if they're "TL;DW" - sorry. I didn't realize I was making such an epic when I started. LOL

Props if you can find the embarrassing mistake I make in these vids before I realize it and tell everyone what it is.

^Part A (of part 1)


^Part B (of part 1)

Tags: Nice 'N' Smooth

InstaRapFlix 4: Jin: The Making of a Rap Star

Ok. As you know from the premise of this post series, I don't own any of these DVDs. But I think these posts really need an image to liven them up. So I'm jacking the cover images from Amazon... I even went back and put them in the three previous entries. But since they're not my scans, sometimes the quality may not be so great. So my apologies for that. But it does help, no?

Today's experiment, Joel, is a little biodoc called Jin: The Making of a Rap Star (Netflix rating: 2 stars - that's right, folks; according to Netflix, this should be twice as good as the last three films I looked at). I actually had forgotten that Jin existed. He was a late-joining member of the Ruff Ryders crew and had a record called "Learn Chinese."

"This is not a marketing thing, me being out here in Chinatown. You don't have the cameras on? I'm standing out here everyday; this is where I am," he says. So, what we learned from this movie is that Jin stands out in front of an upscale Chinese restaurant every day of his life.

We meet his family, which is nice. We hear him perform a couple songs live, spit a few freestyles, and even do a little battle. We watch him show up late and miss a show in Washington. We see a lot (like, I've never seen so many!) of blurred logos on Jin's clothing and snack food. We see him in the studio with Waah (a CEO of the Ruff Ryders who looks bored) claiming that nobody had told the Asian story before and how he's creating a new category. It's always nice when a newjack debuts on a major label and slights those who came before him, right? We don't see DMX, though, or Eve or any of the big-time Ruff Ryders showing up to endorse their new protege.

And of course, it all ends with a hard sales pitch of his upcoming album.

This is an interesting film to compare to yesterday's. The documentary is much better put together than M.O.P.'s (by the way, it's also about the same length, clocking in at 52 minutes including the credits): no stretching or padding, no confused celebrity host (though a few segments, like when his car gets a flat tire, are excessive)... It's a better put together film, no doubt. But M.O.P. are M.O.P., and Jin is just some random record label experiment who came and went. So ultimately M.O.P.'s movie wins by a mile, even though, ironically, there's is worse.

Tags: Jin: The Making of a Rap Star

InstaRapFlix 3: M.O.P.: Straight from the Projects

Tonight's movie was M.O.P.: Straight from the Projects - Rappers That Live the Lyrics (Netflix rating: 1 star. Don't worry, folks; they're not all 1 star flicks... just a lot of 'em haha). I picked this one, frankly, 'cause it was short. And by short, I mean less than an hour long And you know what? This was way too long.

Basically, the premise is that M.O.P. takes us on a tour through their project for a day. It's hosted by B Real; and there's your first problem right there. Dude is reading cue cards like he has no idea what he's talking about. He talks about what "we" saw that day, but he clearly wasn't there. And he's shot from two different camera angles, with both cameras constantly zooming in and out, and it cuts between cameras every single second. It'll drive you batty to watch it.

So, the host segments, which are frequent, suck and never contribute one iota - there's really no reason for him to be involved with this project. It's already so completely obvious what's happening in the film. Basically, it goes like this:

First scene) B-Real says, "and then we went to the high school they attended."
Second scene) M.O.P. says, "now we're going to the the high school we attended."
Third scene) M.O.P. points and says, "this is the high school we attended."
Fourth scene) back to B-Real for a new segment.

And that's the other problem with this film - there's basically no content. It's under an hour, it's padded with about ten minutes of useless B-Real footage... and almost all of the rest of the footage is padding to. Each new segment begins and ends (and has some in the middle) with footage slowed down, sped up, etc set to M.O.P. music. And every once in a while we cut to clips of one of their music videos - too short to be like, "oh, ok; we're watching their video now" but long enough for you to be like, "can we get back to the movie now?"

This film is all padding! And it's super short!

At it's core, there is about 10-15 minutes of inconsequential but fun footage of M.O.P. in their old hometown, reminiscing and kind of showing us the "real them." Which is, you know, not a great documentary; but nice if you're a fan. But no matter how much of a fan you love M.O.P., this film definitely draaaaggggssss.

I've never seen an episode of MTV Cribs (or any show on MTV, really, since the final episode of Yo!); but in my imagination, it's exactly like this, except with better pacing and lots of commercials. That's one thing this DVD has going for it - no commercials! ...Except, you know, in the sense that this is one long commercial for their then (2002) upcoming CD, which they do directly pitch to the viewer. Except for that.

In the end, M.O.P. are likable guys, but I think this film ultimately illustrates how unlikely it is that you'll be able to shoot a worthwhile documentary film in a single day.

Tags: M.O.P.: Straight from the Projects - Rappers That Live the Lyrics

InstaRapFlix 2: Bling: A Planet Rock

Today I watched Bling: A Planet Rock (Netflix rating: 1 star) a surprisingly effective look at how the "bling culture" of contemporary hip-hop relates to the gruesome civil war over "blood diamonds" in in Sierra Leone (Africa). I picked this one because Big Daddy Kane got high billing, but he and Kanye West (who also gets high billing) are actually only in this for a few seconds in the introduction. Essentially, this film revolves around Raekwon, Paul Wall (appropriate, because he also owns a diamond dealership), some reggae artist named Tego Calderon, and former child soldier turned author, Ishmael Beah. They take a trip to Africa and visit places like amputee camps and womens' shelters to see the origins of the diamonds they wear.

Occasionally, it plays like another junk reality TV show - clips of Rae and Paul Wall talking to the camera at the airport feel like they've been ripped straight off the E! channel. And in general this film would have been better if it spent a little more time examining the situation in Africa and gave a little less camera time to the rappers... but in general, it actually works pretty well.

The people and places they visit are genuinely affecting. The hip-hop angle may at times seem a little forced, but when former soldiers tell Raekwon how his music and videos directly inspired them to kill their fellows for diamonds, the film shows it actually has a point and makes it. Probably the strongest aspect is that the film lets the people they visit - the diggers, victims, soldiers, etc - tell their story without interference.

The film climaxes early when they finally visit the diamond mine and the people who own it. They're allowed their say, Raekwon gets in an argument with one of them, and then... they visit a couple more places that are kind of redundant and less compelling than places they visited earlier in the film. It finally ends with a party, where the people of Sierra Leone are seen in a less downtrodden light then they had been for the rest of the film, and Raekwon performs.

It's not a perfect film by any stretch, but it was compelling for the most part - deeper reaching than you'd expect. You are left wondering afterward, though, what was the point, really... The rappers come off just as dopey and shallow at the end of the film as they do in the beginning; and except for a few moments, they really don't feel like they have any place in a documentary on such a serious issue ("ok, let's cut away from the man who had his hands cut off by rebels so we can see a Paul Wall dicking around with his seatbelt on the bus").

Ultimately, what it comes down to is that the rappers only merit a small part in the film, but are given the lead roles because they're celebrities.

A final point of interest: besides the fact that the filmmakers must like really bad, contrived puns, I think the subtitle A Planet Rock is used because this is a sequel of sorts to a short film with Chuck D called Bling: Consequences and Repercussions. It's described on the IMDB as, "tackl[ing] the issues behind Hip Hop's obsession with diamonds and the continued illegal diamond trade in Africa. Bling looks to further educate the Hip Hop generation about the murder and carnage caused by the world's greed for diamonds." ...Although, looking at the credits for both, none of the filmmakers or producers are the same. Maybe it's just a total rip-off?

Tags: Bling, Bling: A Planet Rock

Kick a Hole In the Speaker, Pull the Plug, Then I

Jet released his fairly obscure debut EP, Life Afta Darkness, in 1992 on Righteous Records... that's the label owned by Paris (of "Bush Killa" infamy). He's had some struggles getting his music out there (more on that later), but you recognize Jet from a number of guest appearances, including Pooh-Man's diss track at his former Dangerous Music Family, "Judgement Day" (this is the song that made me say, "hey, I know this guy!" and buy his EP when I saw it in the store way back when) and a couple songs on Paris's Unleashed album.

The title track "Life Afta Darkness" uses the same basic instrumental samples as Grand Daddy IU's "Sugar Free" (and Compton's Most Wanted used that same year on "It's a Compton Thang"), but adds some new live instrumentation on top of it. The liner notes read, "bass keyboards, flutes, strings, bass synth and all otha O.G. shit played by: Gina Blacknell." Flutes? What flutes? Well, anyway... the live instrumentation awkwardly walks the tightrope between really adding something new to the song, making an old sample fresh and original and just layering a bunch of crap on top of a song that doesn't fit. Most of the time it's pretty good, but... a little less would have been better.

The song itself is your typical gangsta bravado rap, flipped into a cool little narrative of how he spends his nights (dealing drugs, winning at dice, etc). He's no great wordsmith (Kool G. Rap won't be threatened by any verse Jet ever kicks), but he's capable enough to hold your attention and keep you interested in everything he's saying.

"How'm I gonna make ends meet?
A nigga steady tryin' ta brush me to tha concrete.
I'm just a young, black male in society;
I only smoke coward niggas when they try me.
I'm a well known fugitive.
Positive ain't Jet, 'cause I'm negative..
But for real, though, life is precious;
Seventeen years of livin', and all of 'em wreckless.
'Cause funk? Man, it attracts to me;
But in the end, I leave punks smokin' like a factory."

Now, the 12" is just a single, featuring the street, radio and instrumental versions of the title track, but the cassette version features two other songs as well.

"Dank Head" uses the obvious "Mary Jane" sample (to match it's equally obvious subject matter), but takes a particularly lively portion, even looping thevocals behind Jet's lyrics (which sometimes obscures his lyrics, but that's ok). And then it regularly breaks down into the "Yo Kit, What's the Scoop?" break before kicking back in. ...I suppose this must be where the flute credit comes into the liner notes... they must've replayed the original loop as opposed to sampling it. It does sound maybe a little tinny, now that I'm questioning it. In that case, I'm even more impressed.

I don't recognize the backing to the last song, "Salt Shaker" - a song about those who would claim to be your friend, but behind your back, tell your business to everyone including the police - but it's similar in tone... even a little more 70's funkish. On all three tracks the instrumentals overrun the lyrics, but Jet's flow is definitely up to the task of keeping your head nodding with each song.

I should point out: the radio and instrumental versions of "Life Afta Darkness" are featured on the cassette release as well. The radio release is pretty cool, because he re-records all of his vocals and replaces the curses with new lyrics. And does a good job of it - it doesn't sound like, "this clearly isn't the version I should be listening to" like most radio lyrics.

So, yeah. Jet did some guest spots after this but his career has been a struggle... after leaving Righteous, he signed with Snake Pit Records. He wound up leaving them, though, before putting anything out. He then moved to Strickly Platnum Records, changed his name to J.E.T., and recorded his second album (or first, depending how strict you are about EPs counting as albums), American Dream in 1999. It got a pretty limited release and reception, so his next album was shelved (and indeed the entire label went under). Finally, in 2005, he changed his name to Jet Black and formed his own label, Hard Earned Records. He put out an album, also called Hard Earned, which you can still order from CDBaby. And, yup, he has a myspace. He promises a new album, called Intentional Grindin, in 2008.

Tags: Jet, J.E.T., Jet Black

InstaRapFlix 1: Queens of Hip Hop

I was bored and scanning through Netflix's browse instant list... they don't have a whole lot of movies yet, but I just discovered that they have a whole ton (well, comparatively) of hip-hop docs. So I que'd them all, even the really hokey, trashy looking ones. And I'm gonna review 'em on here every time I watch one.

The first one I watched was Queens of Hip Hop (Netflix rating: 1 star). I can sum this one up really easily. Good but too short.

First of all, it has interviews with a whole ton of female MCs. Way too many to list, but some are: Salt N Pepa, Roxanne Shante, Pri the Honeydark, The Poetess (remember her?), Rah Digga, Charli Baltimore, Champ MC, Synquis of Finesse & Synquis, Nikki D, Medusa, etc etc. This film came out in 2003 and I'd bet some of the interviews were done even earlier, because MCs like Queen Pen and Lady Luck are talking like they're on top of the rap game.

But the documentary is only 58 minutes. Take away the time for opening and closing credits, and a pointless series of clips where the MCs shout out the documentary they're in (you don't have to promote it; we're already watching it, guys!), and you're down to like 45 minutes.

So basically each MC gets a little video clip... roughly 1 minute long to tell their story (who they are, how they got into the game), and then it's on to the next one. Then, for the last 20 minutes, they come back, and some of the MCs get a second clip, where they talk about how being an MC has influenced their family life. Every once in a while, they also show a short clip of one of their music videos, and two of the MCs (Paula Perry & Invincible) even freestyle.

Most of these MCs are pretty damn interesting (albeit some more than others), and it's really a shame the filmmakers never ask any questions... when Lady of Rage says she's suing Death Row, no one even says, "really, tell us about that?" When Roxanne Shante claims to be the first female MC, no one brings up The Sequence, Sha-Rock, Mercedes Ladies, etc. It's just a couple sentences and then CUT! onto somebody else.

There's also the problem of cheesy graphics. The gimmick of having four on-screen images zoom past each other during the opening credits was so annoying I had to skip past them (and the equally cheesy opening credits song didn't help). And every once in a while, during the interviews, the image splits into three for no discernible reason... it's just distracting. But the worst was the on-screen comments. Like, when Invincible stood up to freestyle, this flashing purple text floated all over the screen saying, "She's bangin'!" Yowza!

Now I can sort of guess why they did this. When you're just stringing along a series of unrelated short clips, as an editor, you're surely thinking "I've got to do something to make this more of a 'movie' and justify my fee." Of course, the thing to do to make this a more substantial movie would have been to get deep with the interviews, ask probing questions and maybe even explore the subjects more than once in a quick in-studio interview. The fact that it would have stretched the running time out to proper feature length would only have been a bonus!

But, for all its flaws, it's still cool. They do get a lot of dope MCs, and even the wack ones and complete unknowns (Mary J. Wanna, or some girl named Diamond D who was signed to Ruthless but never came out) are interesting to hear from for the short time they're on.

It's so short and superficial, I'd be mad if I bought the DVD. But for an instant viewing on Netflix? It's definitely worth checking out.

Tags: Queens of Hip-Hop

Before He Was Goldy...

Call It Like I See It by Mhisani is the little known debut album by Dangerous Music's Goldy under his original name. Mhisani Miller is his real name, but if you have to include a pronunciation guide on your album cover, then you can't really be blamed for deciding to change it. Call It came out in 1991 on the indie label Timbuktu Creations, which as far as I know only put out Mhisani's material.

Surprisingly, the sound of this is very pop. Both the music, and the man's voice and flow would fit in perfectly on a tape with Snap, Rico Suave, Kyper, Mellow Man Ace, etc. The first song "Hump" could easily have been a hit on MTV, except the lyrics are way too x-rated. It's fun if you can embrace your inner preteen and lower your standards enough to let lyrics like, "I slid my car into her garage; it was a tight fit because my car was large" slide.

Mhisani is a guy looking for an identity here, really. On one song he complains about police mistaking him for being a drug dealer, then on another song he talks about how he deals drugs. "Midnight Rendevous[sic.]" sounds like his real bid for the mainstream, though, with poppy singers on the chorus and clean love song lyrics. Just listening to this album, you get the impression he's one of those artists that was "put together" by the label or management, like Menudo or Timex Social Club.

There are some scratches by his DJ Macaroni and a mixture of new and familiar samples... all in all, like I've said, it feels really poppy. One song is practically a Miami bass song, until the Pink Panther theme suddenly pops in and he starts kicking some sex raps (his favorite topic). The only guest star, Rich Nice, pops up to kick a verse on "This Is How," their ode to Oakland (he uses the same instrumental for his shout out track at the end of the album). He has some "message" songs (though they're mostly ham-fisted and simplistic statements of how violence, racism and drugs (when he's not supporting them) are wrong. He also comes out against the theory of evolution (yes, really) and women using men for their money. There are a couple of uncredited skits in between songs... including a fun one where "the man" hires a hitman to assassinate Mhisani for telling the truth to the people.



So, yeah. This album was successful enough to get him a deal with Jive Records and a membership in Too $hort's Dangerous Music Crew. And he released his "debut" (as Jive advertised it) album, In the Land of Funk, in 1994. But those in the know remembered Mhisani for who he was. In fact, the b-side to his first single (first as Goldy, that is) "Whipped Cream, Nuts & Cherries" (pictured above), "Prostitute" was lifted right off Call It Like I See It, although this time the production credits go to Goldy and Pee Wee, and it has a little more a g-funk element to the instrumental.

That "Whipped Cream, Nuts & Cherries" has a funky little hidden interview track on it, where to introduce himself (and Too $hort's upcoming album as well) to the world. It goes like this ...notice how neither make any mention of the fact that he already put out an album years before:

TS: Ay yo, Goldy, what's up, man?
G: What's happenin'? What's goin' on?
TS: You know what? You've been on two Short Dog albums, you've been on two Ant Banks albums.... by now, man, I think people wanna know: who is Goldy? What's up with Goldy? When's your album coming out? Something.
G: Check this out, y'all. Motherfuckers been anticipatin' this Goldy album for the longest. I done put in hard work and effort in the ghettos to come up and stay where I'm at, right Dog?
TS: Right.
G: I done wrote shit like "Parlayin'" for Ant Banks' The Big Bad Ass on his album, right?
TS: Right.
G: Now I gotta lay down this mack, pimp vibe I got. You know, I done sucked up game from the last nine albums you done dropped, right?
TS: In the Land of Funk.
G: Exactly. In the Land of Funk about to drop; and it's hittin'; and every time you see Goldy, guaranteed to hit. Pick it up. Check it out. So, Short Dog, check this out, man. Banks got The Big Bad Ass, you're nine albums in the hole, now you got Cocktails comin' out. What's happenin' with that?
TS: You know, pimpin's been around since the beginning of time, and it's gonna go right on until someone puts the lights out on this little planet, you know what I'm saying?
G: I hear ya, man.
TS: It's a pimp thing, straight from the Oaktown. We always represntin' Oakland, bitch.
G: East side, west side, in the house.

As Goldy, he finally settled on his image, an Oakland player as heavy on the sex rhymes as ever. Jive only opted to put out the one album from him, but he did a number of Dangerous Music guest appearances...

Update 6/6/8: In the comments of this post, manmyheadishuge (great name, haha) pointed out to me that I missed a Goldy album. So I immediately found a copy (how awesome is the internet that I could instantly find a copy of the cassette for $8 and have it at my house in about a week?), and here's the new addendum to my Mhisani write-up: Thanks!

Goldy came back on the independent tip (Cool Cats/Anansi Records) in 1998 with his third album, The Golden Rules (plus a single for the song "Ghetto Star"). He's still on some straight playa shit (the liner notes include 14 "Golden Rules" of pimping written out like the ten commandments. This is actually his best album! He really steps up his delivery, often going for a sort of E-40ish tongue twister, fast rap. The production is handled by Gruvlyne, Black Hornet Productions and Ruff Knight, and the album features some nice guest verses by G.A.M.E., Thicker Than Water and T-Rell. Yeah, no Dangerous Crew involvement; but he still carries the label on his album cover and shouts out Too $hort and the fam in his liner notes.

Said liner notes also promise another Goldy album "coming soon," called Cork Poppin' & Paper Peelin', but it never came out.

Tags: Mhisani, Goldy, Goldie