Have an Insane Clown X Mas

A Carnival Christmas is an Insane Clown Posse single released in 1994 (and reissued in 1997) on Island/ Polygram and Psychopathic Records, featuring two songs: "Santa's a Fat Bitch" and "Red Christmas."

"Santa's a Fat Bitch" has a very west coast sounding, hardcore track, replete with a lot of sleigh bells for that holiday feel, and features a strangely sung, high-pitched hook... I guess it's meant to be a parody of Christmas carols; but I don't know any carols that're song like that. LOL It's about ICP's beef with Santa, that he never goes to the ghetto on Christmas to bring them any toy, so they sing about how much they hate him:

"Santa Claus, Santa Claus, where ya been?
I see ya got cookies and milk on your chin.
I guess you had time to collect your ends;
You always been down for your rich friends.
But Rudolph he don't bring the sleigh my way,
Nothing but coal and dirt for little J.
I guess ya couldn't fit down my chimney shaft;
You need to lose some of that fat ass.
All the little rich boys, they get paid;
Counting their toys and ducats they made.
Me, I got a little half little chunk of dog shit.
I'ma kill that fat bitch!"

"Red Christmas" sounds a little more Detroity, but still has plenty of sleigh bells as well. The beat stops regularly for the Posse to sing dirty versions of famous Christmas jingles, and then resumes for the next verse. The lyrics are appropriately weird... Violent J raps about dressing as Santa Claus and climbing down chimneys to kill people, only to tangle with the real Saint Nick; while Shaggy 2 Dope tells a story about building a snowman because he has no friends, until a really sunny day comes along:

"He was melting and I was just fine.
He got pissed and pulled out a nine;
'If I'ma die, you should come with me,
'Cause we're boys,' (BANG) and hit me.
Damn, I'm dying,
I'm dead, he got his wish;
And all I got is another red Christmas."

These two songs were also included on the ICP's compilation album Forgotten Freshness vols. 1 & 2; though the version of "Red Christmas" on there is missing the screwy "12 Days of Christmas"-parody at the ending. I don't know how great of a loss that is, really; but it's always nice to have the complete versions of stuff in your collection.

So ok, now A Carnival Christmas is the single; but it's taken off the limited edition A Carnival Christmas E.P., which was released and available only in December of '94 from Psychopathic (but not Island/ Polygram) Records. The EP features both songs from the single, plus two additional: "Santa Killas" and "It's Coming."

"It's Coming" is just a bland, repetitive instrumental tracks with a few repeated vocal samples heralding the coming of the next "Joker's Card" album (The Riddlebox). These promos were common appearances at the end of their EPs, and this track should be of interest to die-hard completists only.

But "Santa Killas" is another full-out Insane Clown Posse Christmas song, in fact it's the best one. It features a guest MC named Fink the Eastside G and producer Mike E. Clark (the strongest element of the ICPosse) even takes the mic. It features the best hook, most rugged beat of the lot, with a different set of samples for each verse, and it holds up much better through repeated listenings, since it doesn't rely on "funny singing" and other gimmicks that get annoying fast. The concept is simple: they kill Santa Clauses... J shoots a Santa Claus in the mall for saying he's been too naughty to receive presents, Shaggy jacks him for his sleigh, Mike has an axe to grind about not getting what he wanted for Christmas that year and Fink shares a graphic moment about burning Santa and his reindeer alive:

"Spark up the matches,
And it catches,
And I burnt that MOTHERFUCKER UP!!
'Ho ho (cough cough) what the fuck?'
Cooked his ass with a crackling sound,
Watched as the ash come flickering down.
I smoked their bones and I get much iller;
Fink, the Eastside G, the Santa Claus killer!"

God knows we don't need any more lame anthems to their "juggalo" fans or self-parodying references to Faygo; but when you're looking for a novel holiday tune, the Insane Clowns know how to deliver the outrageous. The rarity has made the EP a bit pricey, but if you come across it relatively cheap, it could be worthwhile Christmas present to get yourself.